Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Tales of Halloween Mischief Part Two

Part 2 of Tales of Halloween Mischief finds me hanging out in town with a friend and a cousin a few nights before Halloween. I told you a good rule when pulling Halloween pranks was to do it before Halloween. So we decided to go and lay claim to some pumpkins. But where would we find these pumpkins?

My friend from Tales of Halloween Mischief Part 1 who bashed his shins with the corn stalk cinder block of death claimed he knew where we could score a huge pumpkin and it was located in the country. My cousin was also with us and the three of us loaded up into my S-10 and headed for C-Town.

I was designated the driver and was instructed to make a left when we reached C-Town and we headed away from town. After a minute or so, we reached the residence of the pumpkins. I was instructed to drive past the home and let my “helpers” out and they would backtrack to the home and get what I thought would be a couple of pumpkins.

As I let them out, I drove up the road looking for a place to turn around, so I could drive back by the home. I was going to drive back and forth until I got a signal they were ready to load up the truck. I was also serving as a lookout. It was hard to see that night. There were no lights on at the home and as far as I could see there were no lights in the area. I had no idea if anyone was there or if anyone would show up in mid claim. I never even really saw the pumpkins when we first drove past it was so dark.

I made my first pass by the house and noticed there was a huge blob in the yard. That couldn’t have been the pumpkin. This thing was as big around as an old washtub and probably weighed a couple hundred pounds. I was lucky I didn’t run off the road after seeing the monstrosity. I began freaking out because this was definitely a pumpkin someone would miss. My heart started to pound as I realized this was going to be a huge get, if we could pull it off.

I drove down the road and found a place to turn around and I came back toward the pumpkin house a third time. As I passed, I noticed the pumpkin was closer to the road this time. I again turned around and came by, and back and forth I went for about 6 passes. On each pass the huge beast kept getting closer and closer to the road until finally I got the signal they were ready to load the pumpkin up. I came to a dead stop as the huge pumpkin was in my lane, blocking my path.

My cousin and friend jumped out of the shadows and I jumped out of the truck to help lift this thing into the bed of my little truck. When I got to the pumpkin I realized immediately that it was cracked open. I wondered what happened and was told that it was so big and so heavy that the first time they rolled it, it had split itself under its own weight. After it split they sort of pushed it about 200 feet across the dew soaked yard. I’m telling you, it was huge.

The first time we lifted the pumpkin it slipped out of our hands and onto the ground. The second time we attempted the lift it slipped out of our hands and hit the bumper of my truck. The combination of the massiveness of it and the slick pumpkin guts that spilled from it caused us some trouble as you can imagine. The third time was the charm and we slid it in. It filled the bed of my truck. It was as wide as the bed and stood as high as the cab of my truck. We couldn’t believe we had found this thing, much less absconded away with it.

By the time we got to town it was around midnight and we decided to part ways. We left the pumpkin in my truck and I went home to grab some shut eye and dream of our huge stolen pumpkin. I must have been so giddy that I never thought about hiding the pumpkin and my parents were sure to see something that was the size of a large riding lawn mower in the bed of my truck. I awoke the next day at the crack of noon and was soon questioned about the giant pumpkin in my truck. For the life of me I do not remember what I said, but it must have been good because nothing further was said.

I waited impatiently for darkness to come so I could sneak into town with the pumpkin and meet with my coconspirators and decide what to do with it. I arrived in town and saw that my friend and cousin were no where to be found, apparently I was the only one worried about tooling around town with a gargantuan stolen pumpkin popping up out of the bed of my truck.

I then started to get very paranoid, I don’t know if I was just going crazy or the pumpkin was messing with me, but I could have sworn I was being followed. I thought at first it was the cops. Those people noticed this pumpkin was gone and called the law and I am driving around town with it in the bed of my truck like an idiot. I saw that it wasn’t a cop and then thought that fate had conspired against me and this is the owner come to reclaim their stolen boulder of a pumpkin. In hindsight I was probably just paranoid for no reason and I took some back roads and headed to my cousins house because I was freaking out.

I found him at home and after I told him about being followed in town we decided to head to the good old overpass. We got to the overpass and summoned the strength of ten men and launched the pumpkin into the right lane of the Natcher Parkway. It sounded like what I imagine a depth charge sounds like when it explodes underwater. The pumpkin debris covered the entire lane, it was beautiful. Anyone going to Bowling Green that night was going to find a big orange surprise.

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