Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Papa Smurf speaks about the attacks...

Following the horrific bombings of smurf village no one really knew where Papa Smurf was. I just found this story on the newswire.

AP (Asmurfiated Press) NewsWire

SMURF VILLAGE--Following the devastating bombings at Smurf Village the leader of the smurfs emerged from an undisclosed location and issued a short statement late Wednesday afternoon along with Army general Norman Smurfzkof.

"Following the recent bombings of the Smurf Village all of the citizen smurfs have come together to aid those in need," Papa Smurf said. "The National Smurfs have been mobilize and Smurf Village has been declared in a state of emergency. We have the Central Intelligence Agency Smurfs (CIAS) investigating the attacks as it has yet to be confirmed that Gargamel or Azrael had any involvement with the bombings."

The National Smurfs are under the command of 3 star General Norman Smurfzkof.

"We have mobilized the 101st along with several units of the National Smurfs," Smurfzkof said. "We have a company of soldiers preparing to make their way here from Fort Smurf to aid in the recovery from these malicious attacks."

Little information has come in about the whereabouts of Gargamel or his right hand cat Azrael, but what little information that has been gathered has been very useful according to Gen. Smurfzkof.

"We have yet to confirm that this attack was organized or ordered by Gargamel, but we have found an unexploded warhead and cat food residue was found that we have sent to the lab. As most of you know, Azrael is known to favor a particularly expensive type of cat food that is made from tuna-safe dolphin."

While the smurfs seem to be on the defensive, Papa Smurf was wildly applauded by the large group of smurfs as he assured the citizens of Smurf Village that they will soon be on the offensive in an expletive-filled tirade that few will soon forget.

"We were blind-sided by this attack," Papa Smurf said. "We're in the middle of a (expletive deleted) forest and we live in mushrooms for Smurf's sake. One bomb would have done the trick, but as you can see these calculating (expletive deleted) used a bunch of bombs as the chilling images from UNICEF have shown."

"But rest assured, smurfs, we will find the sons of (expletive deleted) who did this, bring them to justice and I'll personally hang the (expletive deleted) from the tallest mushroom in Smurf Village!"

1 comment:

Travis said...

Papa Smurf gets a lot of grief from the Snorks in the Democratic party, but I think he's doing a great job leading this village.

I have confidence in him that he'll smurf out the smurfers who did this. They'll be tried by a jury of Smurfs according to Smurf law. If that means smurfing their heads off, so be it.