Monday, July 31, 2006

Invisibilty will be possible in the future. I never saw that coming.

Click the link for the full story, but scientists think that invisibility will be possible in the future. It says that it will not be a pill or an invisibility cloak that will help you become invisible. It will be not so simple physics. A scientist explained the process by using Sue Storm of the Fantastic Four and the way she becomes the Invisible Woman. It involves guiding light and all kinds of stuff I don’t care about. I just want to know when I can go to Wal-Mart and buy Sam’s Choice Invisibility.

I can’t imagine this technology will be available to the general public. Can you imagine how many murders could now be committed in front of a room full of people? Eye witnesses will be meaningless when this technology is invented. You would have to have some sort of x-ray set up at the entrance of every girls’ locker room in the world. Not that I would use invisibility for that purpose, which is wrong.

I bet the military is chomping at the bit to get this technology.I can see this helping our armed forces sneak up on the sneaky ba*^#rd Bin Laden because we obviously need something for that purpose. I am also sure the government and the White House cannot wait to get this technology to use against the most infernal and diabolical people of all, the U.S citizens.

Mel Gibson is coo-coo over Jews.

Well it’s official, Mel Gibson is crazy. He was arrested on suspicion of drunk driving this past weekend and after what seemed like a cover-up by the LA County Sheriff’s department, it seems Mr. Gibson has some issues.

The first issue he has is drinking and driving. He was busted for driving 87 in a 45 MPH zone and he had a blood alcohol level of .12. The legal limit is .08. He apparently has had problems with alcoholism in the past and he has said he is seeking help for this.

The issue that may bring down his whole career is his apparent problem with Jews. According to the website, Gibson started in on an expletive filled rant on the Jews. He blamed them for all the wars in the world and said, “F*^k the Jews.”

If I remember correctly around the time The Passion of the Christ came out, the Jews were up in arms over the way the movie made it look like they were responsible for Christ’s death, which they were. Everyone on the planet is/was responsible for the death of Christ, from the beginning to the end of time. Gibson said it was not a “shot” at the Jews, but some have thought he was a closet anti-Semite. Well, the closet doors seemed to have flown open this weekend.

He has apologized for things he said, but I am not sure that will be enough. Gibson’s next film is a movie called Apocalypto and it is about the end of the Mayan civilization. It is not in English and it stars no one you have ever heard of. I had no interest in this film before Gibson went nuts. I am sure that there are many others who will not see this film because of what happened this weekend. I am betting that Disney, the company that is putting out Apocalypto, will not appreciate this huge negative publicity bomb and it will be interesting to see if they ever deal with Gibson again.

How many times have we seen a well known public figure utter some racist remarks whether malicious or “unintentional” and then they just disappear from sight forever? Jimmy the Greek, Roy Campanis, John Rocker, these are mostly sports figures, but you get my point. Will Gibson be able to continue his livelihood in a business that employs a large number of Jews? Only time will tell, but I think that this will follow him for a long time, if not the rest of his life.

How hard is it to fix a tire?

How hard is it to fix a tire? Pretty hard here in the OC. Why? Because the only repair shops that have front end alignment machines are either ridiculously high in price or crooked.

I just spent an hour making phone calls trying to wrangle a front end alignment for my mother's car from one place so I could get tires from one of the few places that I trust here. There are only three of them, none of which have alignment machines.

The reason behind all of this is because of living in a small town. We know the guy the owns and runs the biggest auto repair/tire shop in the OC. Unfortunately, his prices are so high that you would think they are using solid gold tools and silk oil rags.

So now I have to get a front end alignment from them at 8 a.m. for 50 bucks, if I'm lucky. I just found out that the tires at the place I trust aren't going to be here until 2 p.m. tomorrow, but I guess it's not a big deal since it's going to get done.

You know, you see Dateline and other news outlets do stories on auto repair shops putting the screws to their customers, but they are always in big cities. But it is just as bad here in a small town. There are only two full service auto repair shops here that I trust and only one place that I trust for exhaust work and tires. It's insane.

Besides the shop with the terribly high prices, the other big repair shop literally tried to rob me blind of over $300. They said they needed parts and two and half hours of labor to fix a problem that my buddies at the one exhaust shop I trust fixed for FREE!

And I'm not saying they fixed it for free as in they had the parts layin' around and did me a big favor. They took about three inches of hose, snipped it in half, got under my Jeep and three minutes later it was fixed.

It always sucks when you have to get work done on your vehicle, but it really sucks when it's hard to find an honest mechanic.

Friday, July 28, 2006

What's the Worst Rule In Sports?

This week's question is one of the guys...generally.

What's the worst rule in all of sports? There are some really bad ones. Here are a few that I loathe to kickstart the conversation and one for argument's sake. In no particular order.

A) The designated hitter rule in the American League.
What it means? Pitchers don't hit.
Why I hate it? Pitchers are baseball players. If anyone should get to skip hitting it's the catcher. He's got the most grueling position in the game. It boosts offense and offense doesn't need boosting anymore. It was a silly rule when it was originated, now it's maintained to keep old guys no longer capable of playing the field in the game.

B) The Tuck Rule in the NFL.
What it means? "If a QB loses the ball before he has tucked it firmly into his body, even if his intention no longer is to throw it, the play is an incomplete pass."
Why I hate it? No one knew this rule even existed before the 2001 AFC Championship game when it rescued the derriers of the New England Patriots. How can I be sure no one knew this rule? Because if we had known about it, we would have been lobbying to have it eliminated long before then. This rule is an obvious bail out rule. It takes the subjectivity of deciding when the act of attempting a pass has ended and the act of bringing the ball down began out of the hands of the official.

C) The Falling Out of Bounds timeout
What it means? A basketball player can leap in the air and be flying out of bounds, but can be granted a timeout while in midair.
Why I hate it? Does the player have possession when he's flying out of bounds? I don't think he does. He/She should be in contact with the playing surface. But I mostly hate it because it's overly used and it eliminates the old favorite of throwing the ball at full force at your opponents lower abdomen.

D) The Trapezoid Lane in the international basketball
What it means? The lane is a trapezoid. Duh.
Why I hate it? It's ugly. And every year we have to hear Dick Vitale or some other brainless nitwit tell me how the college game needs to adopt this rule. But mostly it's just ugly.

E) Moving the Ball to Midcourt with a Timeout (NBA)
What it means? A team can call a timeout and the ball is moved from the baseline to midcourt for the upcoming inbounds play.
Why I hate it? They did NOTHING to advance the ball. Name one other sport where you can advance the ball by calling a timeout. It's ridiculous and as silly as the DH.

F) Offsides in Soccer
What it means? An offensive player must be at least even with the deepest defender when the ball is played to him. Only after the ball is kicked can he advance beyond the defender.
Why I hate it? I don't, but every non-soccer fan in the United States does. Americans are focused on scoring and that's all we care about. Soccer is not all about scoring. So we hate rules that we think stop scoring. But it introduces strategy on the side of the defense and DOES NOT eliminate the threat of offensive speed. I'll repeat that. It DOES NOT eliminate the threat of offensive speed. When the ball is played, it's a sprint to the ball. That's using speed folks.

Those are my six to start things up. Add any rules you think are bad and comment. Be sure to rank the worst rules to determine a winner (or loser, as the case may be.)

Thursday, July 27, 2006

World Series of Pop Culture... Someone just got fired.

I don't know how many of you have been watching the World Series of Pop Culture on VH1, but tonight's show was the semi-finals. They were going to play the two matches and set up a final for next week.

The only problem is that tonight, the first match took about 40 minutes of the hour allotted for both matches. So when it got to 10 o'clock when the show was over, the final match still had both teams with two members left. Therefore we all figured that was how they were going to fill the time next week. Finish off that match and run the finals.

Here's the problem. After tonight's show, it had a promo saying to join them next week when these two teams battle it out for the title and they showed and announced the two teams. This was after the second match was still unfinished, we didn't know who had won.

Why this sucks is because they filmed this in probably four days, at the most, back in the spring. So it was all on tape and they still screwed it up.

I'm assuming that someone simply ran the wrong promo or something, but they need to be fired.

The crazy thing is that it seems that most of us are actually attempting to make plans to go audition to be on this show.

It's going to be like "The Clampetts go to ATL." We'll never make it back.

American shame, Floyd Landis is a cheater.

Well, the French have finally gotten what they wanted. An American hero who battled long odds to win the Tour De France has tested positive for testosterone. Unfortunately for the frogs, this American is not Lance Armstrong. I read a story earlier this morning about Floyd Landis seemingly disappearing from other events he was schedule to attend. In the same story was the revelation that a racer had tested positive for a banned substance. Being a conspiracy dude, I put 2 and 2 together and assumed Landis was dirty.

As I was out in the field today I was listening to ESPNRadio as always, I heard on Sportscenter that he indeed did fail a test. Just when all cycling fans (all 4 of them) thought the Tour was clean for perhaps the first time in years after the huge drug scandal that knocked most of the favorites out of the race, we find out the winner is a big cheater.

I said I was a conspiracy dude, do you think this was perhaps planned to take some heat off Big Tex? Could Armstrong or American cycling officials have made a little deal with Landis to get him to “throw” the race by taking a banned substance? Will the French be satisfied that they finally have an American by the short hairs? I don’t think so. I think the French will try to dig up anything they can on Armstrong until the day he dies. But, I bet they are smoking a victory cigarette and eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery.

This seems like one of the stupidest things an athlete has ever done. He wins a race on a dying hip; the guy can barely walk and can’t cross his legs because of it. He leads, and then loses the lead and most experts say he had no chance to win, and then he makes an incredible comeback to win and becomes the new golden boy of American cycling. I would have to put this on the top ten drug incidents by athletes.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

No more Walter Cronkites...

I was flipping through the channels tonight between commercials and came across a show on PBS. I have no idea what it was about, but the one thing I did see was Walter Cronkite giving his view on Lyndon Johnson and the Vietnam War. Johnson, I believe, had called off air strikes. I don't remember exactly what Cronkite had said, but LBJ was watching it and he was quoted as saying that there was no use of running for president in '68 because he had "lost the people."

That kind of struck me. Because back in the 60's TV and newspapers were pretty much where you got your news and the news anchors would give you their views on things. TV was really hitting a stride in the 60's too so most everyone did believe everything they saw on TV. What idiots. LOL

We didn't have political experts on during every show. Most of the time people would say that it wasn't news unless it came out of Cronkite's mouth or Dan Rather's mouth, etc.

But that really was a simpler time. Now everyone can give their opinions and seek out another opinion on a subject if they feel like it. Back then, even the president listened to the TV news anchor. That's frightening. I don't even listen to the weather dude. Heck, now you'll only get a politically slanted view depending on what channel you are on. Now we have right wing media and left wing media and then morons like us floating around here in cyberspace. I'm lucky enough to a moron and right wing media at the same time. I think it's right wing, who knows really?

I'm not really sure exactly what my point is, but we get on our little blog here and post news type things and give our opinion as if people really care. We do it thinking that people are just dying to hear it. But in reality we are only a speck in the blogosphere.

How much juice did he have? I mean really. He has one newscast where he criticizes the president and the president says, "We're screwed, I'm pullin' out." All because he knew that Cronkite said it and 3/4's of the country saw it and they by God agreed with it.

I guess my point is, to keep it in the parlance of our time...

Cronkite was a pimp and we, my friends, are no Walter Cronkite.

Lance Bass of NSYNC is GAY!!!

Apparently a member of N*SYNC is gay. Lance Bass came out saying he's in a very stable relationship with some other gentleman from the Amazing Race.

Personally, I'm floored by this. First Justin Timberlake admits using drugs, now Lance Bass admits being a homosexual.

Late breaking news reports that ice is cold, the sky is blue and human beings have developed the ability to convert oxygen into carbon dioxide using only their bodies.

Drugs and athletes, a winning combination.

After seeing how another of my Cincinnati Bengals got arrested again, though not just arrested but tazered, I thought I would post something I found online. It is the top ten drug incidents by athletes. I must warn some of you, Travis, that there is some bad language throughout, but it is pretty cool. Missing are Doc Gooden, Daryl Strawberry, and Ricky Williams. The ten included are good, including my favorite, Mr. Nate Newton.

RockStar:SuperNova analysis Week 4

Here are my thoughts on this week’s RockStar: SuperNova. I realized this week that none of these people are very good, but there are three or four who stick out from the rest of the crowd just a bit.

Udo(Lukas)-He went first and sang Bittersweet Symphony with a guitar that he didn’t play. It was a Jon Bon Jovi moment. He was decent.

Zayra-She sang Call Me by Blondie and I like the arrangement, but I am not sure she knew the words or just decided to not sing them most of the time. I did enjoy her catsuit. I hate that she always wants to talk back to the band when they are trying to help her. She is not going to win this thing. She is not Axl Rose, she is Bjork.

Dana- She sang another Nirvana song; it seems that Nirvana songs are all this show has to offer. She is too cute and too talented to be on this show. She is AI, not RockStar.

Patrice-She sang Remedy from The Black Crowes. She is bland and forgetful and not very good. She seems to sing the same song every week.

Toby-He sang White Wedding and sounded like a good impersonation of Udo(Lukas) singing a Billy Idol song. The more I see this guy, the less he impresses me.

Magni-He sang We Could be Heroes, and I liked how he played it. He gets better every week and the band was just nitpicking about how he decided to move or not move around during the song.

Ryan-He sang Live’s I Alone. The song sucked, his stupid wristband sucks, and he sucks.

Jill-She sang Brown Sugar and Gilby played lead on it. She seems like another Black Velvet singer to me. She looks slutty enough to be a rock singer, but she isn’t talented enough. And quit grinding up on Gilby, it is embarrassing.

Phil(The Mumbler)-He sang One Headlight and he sucked. This guy cannot seem to fully pronounce his words. He sings like he doesn’t care and the band looked like they didn’t care during his performance.

Dilana-She sang Time After Time by Cindi Lauper and instead of being scared when I heard this was her song, I was excited to see what she would do with it. It wasn’t her best, but I believe it was the best this night. She is so unique that I really can’t see anyone but here deserving to win. Odds makers have her at 1:1 odds right now, by the way.

Josh-He sang No Rain. No Rain, how about No Rock. He is weak and he sucked. He wants to bring soul to SuperNova. This show is called RockStar not SoulStar. Get rid of him, please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Storm-I still think her name is fake, she sang a song I have never heard from a band I have never heard. I don’t mind her voice but I would rather see her in Playboy than a rock band. I have said in the past she used the Rock ‘N’ Roll Lead Singer’s Handbook, well, she also watches School of Rock and uses it to her advantage. Storm always has at least one moment where she opens her eyes real wide and smiles and then looks around like there is something wrong. That is exactly what Jack Black instructs the kid guitar player to do in the movie. She annoys me so bad, but she isn’t the worst.

Bottom three this week are as follows, Josh, Zayra, and Patrice. They all stink and should leave, but I believe that if Josh makes the bottom three, he will be gone, gone, gone.

The leaders in my opinion are Dilana, Magni, Toby and Storm. That is the end of my dissertation this week. I wish I could quit you, RockStar!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Mute Yourself

This topic deserves a post.
I’m tired of profanity. Tired, tired, tired of it. It’s all over my television, even on the networks now. It’s littered in nearly every movie made. It’s filling the lyric sheets of nearly every popular music act around. It’s even plastered on people’s cars.

I face an uphill challenge raising a child to be a Christian in today’s society. I realize that and my wife realizes it too. But we shouldn’t be forced to shield my son’s ears and eyes 24 hours a day.

On television, if I turn to HBO, I expect to hear bad language and to see immoral content. But the extent of it speaks volumes to the limited creativity of the modern television writer and the watered down pool of them. I suppose with so many channels and thus so many programs, putting together a creative writing staff is more difficult than ever. Judging from the product, it’s practically impossible. Thus the rise in reality television, which is also filled with profanity.

This just in, for those perennial stars of the Real World, Road Rules and the Real World/Road Rules Challenge/Gauntlet/Milking It For All Its Got spinoffs, “If YOU DROP AN “F” BOMB ON TV, YOU’LL BE BEEPED.” Why can’t they save us all the trouble and try to find a different word to use. It’s been said that the abundant use of profanity by an individual speaks volumes to their intelligence. If you’ve ever watched one of those pathetic programs on MTV, you’ll see proof that statement has merit.

I was watching Dateline Sunday night in an effort to find something not filled with profanity. It was on for about 10 seconds when someone said the word, “bitch.” Flip, and we’re back to Food Network. I’d seen that episode of Iron Chef America, but I watched it again anyway.

Don’t get me started on movies.

Music is of particular interest. Try buying a rock CD without bad language on it. Just try. I got a kick out of Mike Shinoda recently. When Linkin Park’s first album came out, the band said they didn’t use profanity because it wasn’t necessary and did nothing for the music.

Shindoa puts his own project together and the first song goes, “so I want you to know it's a little f*&^d up that I'm stuck here waiting, at times debating…” That’s “Where’d You Go” for those interested, by Fort Minor. Pick it up at the nearest dumpster.

But what really got me going on this was seeing it on cars. I’ve seen bumper stickers, I’ve seen window clings, etc. When he’s older, I won’t be able to drive my son around town without explaining to him why this car says this or this car says that.

Things that used to embarrass people just don’t raise an eyebrow anymore. Maybe I’m hypersensitive because I’m a Christian and a father. Goodness knows my language needs perfecting often, so I’m not innocent. But I really wish people would be more considerate when using filthy language. Stop being so concerned about your right to say it, and start being cognoscente of my right not to hear it.

Monday, July 24, 2006

What have you done with Ashley Simpson?!?

Have you seen Ashley Simpson lately? For some reason I DVRed some videos on MTV, actually it was the hour of videos MTV shows all day. I did this to check out what MTV thought was popular today, and to perhaps see Nelly Furtado or Beyonce. I did see that Ashley Simpson has a video on MTV copying the movie Million Dollar Baby and she portrayed a boxer. I kept thinking two things as I watched this video. One was, who is this girl? She looked like a miniature version of Jessica Simpson. I know she got a nose job and changed her hair, but she looks exactly like her sister. The second thing I kept thinking is I bet the actress that is “boxing” her has been given strict instructions not to hit Ash anywhere above the chest. They wouldn’t want an errant punch coming anywhere near that fresh new beak of hers.

Why Ashley? Why? I liked you better than your sister. I loved the black hair, you changed that. I love the little bump in your proboscis, you had that grinded down. I liked your quasi-punk hair do with the bangs falling in your face; you have now adopted hair extensions and have a Jessica Simpson hairdo circa 1999. What is your major malfunction?

If I were Jessica, I would be getting very worried about this Ashley situation. Ash has already written a song about how Jessica got all the attention. She has already fashioned herself into a Jessica Mini-Me. This thing is getting a little too Single White Female for me. Or this could have all been brought on by the actions of Ash and Jessica’s creepy pedo-paw. Jess got all the attention from dear old dad and now Ash is transforming herself into a faux Jessica to get her some of father's attention. A classic case of a girl with daddy issues mixed with a shot of sibling rivalry.

In case you haven’t seen some pics of her new trunk, click the link.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Jessica Biel is an expensive lunch date.

Who would you pay $30,000 to have a simple lunch date with? A senior VP of an oil and gas company paid that much to have a lunch date with “The Sexiest Woman Alive,” Jessica Biel. I began to think, who is worth $30,000 to me for a lunch date?

I have a large number of candidates and I’m sorry Jessica, you are not on the list. Don’t take it so hard, I think you are a beautiful girl and a so-so actress, but there are plenty of sexier fish in the sea. Maybe in a few years.

Back to the post, I know Travis already has given us the Question of the Day, but I thought I would give another. Who would you be willing to “buy” for a $30,000 lunch date. For the ladies they can pick guys…or girls, not that there’s anything wrong with it and married guys can pick too, unless you don’t have the guts. You could even pick someone you would just like to sit down and talk with, what do I care?

My top five is as follows…

Jessica Alba-I know this is a shocker. You would have never figured out I loved Jessica Alba. I only have two posters of her dressed as Nancy from Sin City, one of them is door size. I am a geek.

Cameron Diaz-Man, I hate putting her second. I love you Cameron.

Kristen Bell-Miss Veronica Mars herself, come on, you knew she would make the list.

Lauren Bacall-She is my favorite “classic” living actress, I would just love to sit and talk about her life and her life in the movies. I’ll admit, I watched a Bogart movie last night and that may be compromising my pick.

Jennifer Aniston-I am not an Angelina guy, I am a Jennifer guy and she is smoking.

There’s my list, not too bad if I do say so myself.

What's The Best Candybar?

This week's Friday Question of the Day is simple. What is the world's best candy bar. And let's be clear, this has to be a bar. Ferero Rocher need not apply. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups need not apply. Skittles need not apply. Jujy Fruit need not apply.
Let's try to at least name your top 5, if not your top 10.

Here's a tentative list to get you started.

Milky Way
Three Musketeers
Take 5 (A rookie)
Baby Ruth
Almond Joy

Thursday, July 20, 2006

The Wedge Nazi... Por favor?

After reading Piccu's Seinfeld moment of the day with the peanuts, it reminded me of a Seinfeld moment that we forgot to post a few days ago.

Piccu, myself and The Don usually get together for lunch and there are various places in town in which we can choose to dine. Usually it ends up at the deli of a local not-so-super market. Anyway, The Don suggested we hit Charlie's Convenient Store, Market, Tobacco Outlet, Laudromat & Casino to get some food.

You see, Charlie is famous for his potato wedges. Now I know what you are thinking, "Are we talking about fried potato chunks here?" Yes we are and while there isn't much difference between a good wedge and a bad wedge, Chuck makes a pretty mean potato wedge.

This joint is just a few of blocks down the street, but we had to drive because it was 158 degrees and I'm not sure there are any sidewalks connecting it to civilization.

We get down there and The Don is first up and he orders a couple of cheeseburgers and some wedges. And if you can imagine it, we are standing in line at eye level with the wedges and assorted burgers and sandwiches. That way you don't have to ask questions about what you can't see in the back of the warming cabinet. The Wedge Nazi is wise.

The Don steps up as the Wedge Nazi gets his burgers and wedges and The Don probably upsets the Wedge Nazi because he used a debit card which slows the process of slingin' wedges considerably. And The Don also screwed Piccu and myself in that we each got a sandwich or burger and paid way more than The Don.

After The Don signs his John Hancock to the debit card receipt, the Wedge Nazi takes and then files the receipt. After turning for literally a half second to file the receipt, The Don picked up his bag and before he could even begin to walk away the Wedge Nazi asks in a sharp tone, "Can I help you with something?"

It was at this point that The Don looked at us and I looked back at him as if to say, "Just go, man!" Because, as I said before, these are good wedges and it would suck to get a "NO WEDGES FOR YOU! COME BACK ONE YEAR!" He did screw me out of two or three bucks though.

Heck, it might be a year or more before we go back, but it's always good to know that you have the option of a burger and some wedges. Back in the day you used to could (Western Kentucky slang for "you were able to") get what was affectionately known as a Bag O' Burgers and some wedges. It was the bomb, as the kids say.

So that was our run in with the Wedge Nazi and let me tell you, they were some pretty friggin' good wedges.

Lost fans, you asked for it.

Lost fans, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that much of this coming season’s shows will be uninterrupted by repeats. The bad news is that the season will be split up into one 6 week mini-season then take 13 weeks off and come back with about 16 in a row. Is that better than 3 than 2 reruns, then 4 new ones, then 5 reruns? I think it will be and according to Lost producers, the fans’ of the show want less repeats. So, Voila.

Even though I hate the wait, I love the fact that when 24 comes on for a new season, I can expect no repeats throughout the run. What I do not appreciate is the Fox scheduling that gets all f*#@ed up due to playoff baseball. I hate it when the always awesome Simpson’s Treehouse of Horror comes on, not before Halloween, but a week or two later. I love baseball, but I love my regular primetime Fox shows as well.

I just wonder if Lost fans will remember to come back. I believe that Lost lost viewers late in the year, if for no other reason than the juggernaut that is American Idol. Will the other networks be able to steal anyone with new shows or super hyped returning shows? It ought to be interesting to see how things turn out.

In other bad news, I just found out I have to wait until Oct. 3 before I get a new Veronica Mars and on top of that, the show hasn’t even been picked up for a full season order. So, you need to watch this show. Smart, funny, mystery-y, it’s got it all. I have said many times before, if I had to give up one show between Lost and Veronica Mars, I would be losing Lost.

Piccu's Seinfeld Moment of the Day: The Peanuts

I had a Seinfeld moment today. Everyday I bring a bottle of water and some sort of snack to eat about 10 in the morning. For the last couple of weeks it has been a bag of peanuts, the 3 for a dollar kind. It is pretty good and is better than eating a Twinkie. Today, I once again brought a bottle of water and a bag of peanuts. I had to go out into the field today, so I gathered my equipment and my water and decided to leave my nuts, I said nuts, because I would not be gone that long and I would eat them when I returned. I go out and a couple of hours later I am back in my office ready to have a snack. My nuts have disappeared.

As some of you may or may not know, my office is in the OC court house and has been undergoing some renovations. Today there were two workers putting ceiling tiles up in my office and that is when I ducked out. I can only assume, and rightfully so, that one of these two dudes stole my nuts. I have learned from Seinfeld and George Costanza to not approach who you think may be the guilty party. These guys know stuff about construction and electricity. I could come in one day be electrocuted by some “faulty” wiring.

I just thought that this was insane. We have vending machines in the building and you can get practically the same bag of nuts for 50 cents. I guess whoever it was that stole them didn’t have 50 cents. So there you have it, my Seinfeld moment of the week.

Chad Vader, ruler of the grocery aisles.

Check this video out. It is the hottest youtube clip going. It is called Chad Vader Episode I. Apparently Darth Vader's younger brother is the daytime manager of a grocery store.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Coors reminds all of its customers to not drink and drive. Too bad they didn't remind their chief officer.

Pete Coors has had his driver’s license revoked after a DUI. Coors…Coors, that name sounds familiar doesn’t it? It should. Pete is a chief officer of Molson Coors Brewing Co. You would think after all those commercials telling his customers to take it easy he would follow his own advice.

That he has a DUI on his record now is not the surprising thing. The surprising thing is that according to Pete he only had one beer 30 minutes before he was pulled over. He blew .073 on his first breathalyzer test and then 20 minutes later he blew .088. What a lightweight!! You own a brewery Pete. You get smashed on one beer? Wow, talk about a dealer not using his own stuff.

In Pete’s defense, I would imagine he has a standing blood alcohol level of at least .065 at all times. Beer is in his blood so to speak. He should have used that argument in court.

Weekly RockStar:SuperNova ramblings...Someone please help me!!

My weekly analysis of RockStar begins now. I thought that most of the performances were good last night. I was really impressed by the girl from Long Island singing Alright Now. She belted it, definitely her best performance.

The Puerto Rican chick who sang You Really Got Me last week had the performance of the night. I thought she did a great job on Everybody Hurts by R.E.M. I know that sounds crazy, but she made it a song worth listening to. She rocked it up and her weird vocal style worked. I think she is the next Bjork, not the next big rock singer.

Dilana is still my favorite. She’s irresistible, well, not to Bratch, he loves the Australian. I think it’s a man crush. Dilana did a pretty good job with Zombie and she is definitely still the one to beat in my opinion. Though, there is no way she will win, read further to see why.

The Australian is still the best guy singer, although Udo(Lukas) did a pretty good version of Let’s Spend the Night Together. He is arrogant and unless he alienates the viewing audience, I think he will make top 5.

Here are the bottom three according to my suck-o-meter. I still loathe Josh who sang Nirvana’s Come as You Are last night. As soon as I saw that the backing band had acoustic guitars and a bongo, I knew who was coming up. This guy has taken all the songs he sings and turns them into folk music. The other problem with this dude is that he is smiling ear to ear when he sings, “I promise I don’t have a gun.” Not smiling in a maniacal way, but in a “You sure do look nice today, Ms. Cleaver.” He should be the next Dave Matthews.

Dana sucks, but just for this competition. She should be on American Idol, she is not a rocker. Bratch and I agreed, we always seem to see her as singing Black Velvet or a Melissa Etheridge song every time we hear her voice. She’s gone, she has no charisma.

Storm Large is just not a real person. She has a horrible fake name. She looks like she has memorized the Hair Metal Lead Singer’s Handbook. It doesn’t seem like anything she does is genuine. She seems to be thinking throughout her performance, “Okay, what would Vince Neil do in this situation?” She is the total opposite of Dilana who admittedly does do a crazy chicken dance, but she is her own person, that’s her stage presence, not Sebastian Bach’s

No female will win this gig because Tommy Lee could not respect them for their talent, only their a**. Surely you notice that after ever girl’s performance, he never has any constructive criticism, he just has some stupid double entendre about getting them into the sack. He wanted Storm Large to show more skin, he said he wanted to have sex with Dilana, and it goes on and on. None of the things Tommy Lee says helps these women get better. Then they have to stand up there and flirt back with him. It is pretty disgusting, to tell the truth.

They may pick a chick for this gig but whoever she is, after about 3 months of Tommy trying to get into her pants; she would be wishing she was just the next runner up. Otherwise, I hate this show, but they got their hooks in me. I can’t quit now.

Friday, July 14, 2006

What's The Best SitCom of All Time?

What is the greatest situation comedy in the history of television? That’s today’s topic on the second weekly Friday debate. I have assembled a list of 20 sitcoms that have been popular. If you think of others, please add them. If there are some you want off the list, we can do that too.

M*A*S*H Wonder Years
Seinfeld Friends
Cheers I Love Lucy
The Carol Burnette Show Mama’s Family
Dick Van Dyke Show Coach
I Dream of Jeanie Mary Tyler Moore
That Girl Bewitched
Family Ties Andy Griffith
Home Improvement Roseanne
Will & Grace Everybody Loves Raymond

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Let the battles begin! Who should be in the Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame?

After being flabbergasted at the fact Alice Cooper is not in the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall of Fame, I have decided to start an argument. Or something like that. What bands out there right now, should be or will be “hall of famers?” This doesn’t need to be bands or artists that are currently in the charts, for example, Van Halen. This includes acts that are knocking about right now or acts that maybe have seen their time go by, but made a difference.

I am the type of guy that does not want a hall of fame watered down, so there must be some guidelines for induction. Here is the R’n’R hall of fame’s guidelines, “Artists become eligible for induction 25 years after the release of their first record. Criteria include the influence and significance of the artist’s contributions to the development and perpetuation of rock and roll.” Perhaps there should be more to it than that, but that is pretty succinct.

So by looking at those guidelines, who should be in and better yet, who do you think will be in when it is all said and done?

Van Halen-They should already be in. They influenced rock n roll more than any band in the 1980’s. Van Halen led to hair metal, not that that is anything to brag about. Eddie Van Halen has inspired more people to pick up the guitar than any other guitar slinger alive. They are also one of the few bands to survive losing a lead singer and go on to even more success with a replacement.

Metallica-There is no doubt this band will get in. The Black album is one of the biggest selling of all time. They have influenced many bands. Like them or not, everyone knows the song Enter Sandman and everyone likes it. That should be part of the criteria, if you love a song by a band you would not normally listen to, then that band is doing something right. They survived tragedy, alcohol, and therapy. Stone cold lead pipe lock.

KISS-Why they are not already in is a mystery to me. They have been around for a thousand years. Up until about 10 years ago they put out new music. They have survived lineup changes and make up changes. Sure they slapped their name on everything to transistor radios to caskets, but rock n roll is a business. KISS should not be penalized for being smart or greedy. The Eagles weren't penalized for greed. Nine out of ten “rockers” today will tell you they love KISS. Besides Black Sabbath, who got in this year, this is the biggest injustice in the history of rock.

The White Stripes-The White Stripes have led to a mini revival of alt rock or independent music, or whatever you want to call it. They are already influencing today’s music because there are now a ton of bands that a) are missing one piece of the traditional guitar, bass, drums formula, b) are a twosome consisting of a guy/guy and guy/girl, c) sound like they recorded in a barn in Rosine, KY. Each of The White Stripes’ albums has sold more than the last. Jack White is not afraid to experiment with his sound. The White Stripes are so anti-selling out that after their album Elephant, which made good use of loud, bluesy guitars, their follow-up, Get Behind Me Satan, was a piano and marimba album with very little guitar histrionics. At the end of their run, they will make it to Cleveland.

Korn-Bear with me. When it is all said and done, I think Korn may be able to slip in. They influenced heavy metal throughout the 90’s. They have sold millions of albums. They have a signature “sound,” you always know a Korn song when you hear it. If they can put out another hit record or two, I think they could get in within the next 30 years.

There something to argue about. I think there are many others, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, the Crue, Tool, Rage Against the Machine, Son House, SRV and others. Besides Korn, I do not think there is anything to argue about. But you can try.

Littler Sturgis Rally this weekend...

It happens every year here in Kentucky. It's a fairly large motorcycle rally called Little Sturgis. Of course, most everyone knows about the gigantic rally in Sturgis, South Dakota, but this one is smaller in the super small town of Sturgis, KY.

Some friends of mine usually go and have a good time, but I'm going to actually go this year and check out the bike show since my buddy is entering his bike and will ultimately win. I'm also going to bike show because it happens to be free. To officially get into the rally itself will cost you about $40.

Also, my buddy's chopper was featured in a somewhat local motorcycle magazine called Thunder Roads of Kentucky. The magazine is free and it can be downloaded from their website.

It's a nice little magazine especially to be pretty much a one man show, but it will be everywhere at Sturgis with my photo on the cover of Copious, the spoon covered chopper built by Chuck Weedman of 7 Customs. On the inside is more photos of the chopper and below are two photos that weren't in the magazine.

The black bike is an '88 HD Sportster. It was originally an 883, but at some point in its life someone added a 1200 Screamin' Eagle kit to it and then some. It absolutely screams so it's not just a clever name. Chuck took it down to the bare frame and rebuilt the bike and painted it matte black with ghost flames and as you can see there is a ton of chrome. And those pipes are the loudest I've ever heard.

The photo below it is Chuck on Copious with another photo of Copious on bottom. These photo were taken at our local airport since the background was nicer. It pays to know the head mechanic who rides his Harley wide glide to work every day.

I would never tell a lie, and here are a few tips to keep me honest.

Here’s something I ran across the other day, it’s the top seven signs someone is lying to you. It is pretty interesting. Next time you see a politician speaking, check for the signs, I bet you find out what we have known for years. All politicians are liars.

Unfortunately these signs may not work for all politicians, because in the famous words of George Costanza, “It’s not a lie if YOU believe it.”

A chance to right a wrong and get Alice Cooper to Cleveland.

I ran across this on Pop Candy, I believe, and it is something that actually surprised me. Apparently Alice Cooper is not in the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame and it seems has never even been seriously considered. I am not sure what Alice has to do to be considered. As far as I am concerned, if you can with a straight face say an artist is your favorite of all time, then this is an artist that should be considered hall of fame material. Alice Copper is one of those artists or band, depending on how you want to look at it.

Alice has had songs that everyone has heard. Everyone has heard School’s Out and Eighteen. How many Percy Sledge songs have you heard? Guess who is in the hall of fame instead of Alice Cooper.

Beyond songs, Alice has had great albums, maybe not in the last 10 to 15 years, but he continues to put out music. The Eagles haven’t recorded anything new in years, yet they continue to tour the country charging hundreds of dollars to see them. You can see Alice for about $25. Guess who is in the hall of fame instead of Alice Cooper.

Billion Dollar Babies, Love It to Death, Welcome to My Nightmare, Alice Cooper Goes to Hell, Poison, these are all great albums that have been put out by Alice. These albums came out at all different times and all have different sounds and concepts. The Sex Pistols released exactly one album as a band before they broke up. Guess who is in the hall of fame instead of Alice Cooper.

Beyond all that I have just laid out, Alice has influenced rock music since his beginning. The members of KISS went to an Alice Cooper show while they were forging their identity. They saw his awesome horror/stage show and said to each other, what could be better than Alice Cooper? Four Alice Coopers, and that is where KISS came from. (Dont't get me started on KISS not being in the hall of fame.)

Even though I personally am not a fan of his, where do you think Marilyn Manson came from? Where do you think Slipknot came from? You can name many others that have been influenced by Alice. Anyone who had a stage show with props of any kind can be attributed to Alice.

Not only does Alice Cooper produce great music, Alice has influenced bands throughout the last two decades and a half. For this man to not be in the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall of Fame, to not even be seriously considered is a crime, especially considering some of the artists that have been inducted. Click the title for a link to a petition to induct Alice Cooper into the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall of Fame.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Calling all actors, calling all actors!! Hey, that's me and maybe you too.

You have got to check this out. As most of you know, I have just recently started my acting career with a role in the movie Red Velvet Cake (coming to a theater near you). I ran across this website on the USA Today pop culture blog, Pop Candy. This is a website that allows you to search for acting roles in your area. This is great for me, someone who doesn’t like to travel.

I looked up some roles in the Louisville area and the majority of them are for live events and I am strictly a film actor. I don’t do dinner theater; I remember how Bob Crane ended up. Anyway, there were a couple of roles that weren't live events. Check them out.

There is a reality show about spies and sabotage (sounds like a rip-off of the Mole to me) looking for people in the Louisville are, well, more like the Atlanta area. You could win $10 million. I don’t do reality either, unless it’s the World Series of Pop Culture.

An independent film named BLINK is looking for extras and will be filming in Lexington. There is no pay, it seems. I think this would really be a step back for me, but some of you may like it.

Ah, come to papa. Here is a listing for an independent movie titled…My Zombie Girlfriend. It is looking for all roles. Unfortunately this is for an internet only video. If I am doing internet video, it will be my own project, not someone else’s. Hint, hint, Bratch.

Anyway, I was interested and thought some of you might be also. Who knows, maybe we can get IA readers and members in the movies and then join together to make our own pictures.

Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one? Sony blows it. Can IA fix it?

I have seen some stupid advertising, but this is just the latest. Apparently Sony is releasing a PSP in all white. Oooooooooooh! I know, it’s wild. Anyway, they decided the best way to begin their ad blitz was to place a billboard in the Netherlands, of all places, because we all know who buys and plays more video games than anybody, the Dutch.

Anyway, Sony’s billboard went a little something like this, the billboard “portrayed a white woman aggressively grabbing the face of a black woman and read "PlayStation Portable White is Coming." Click the link for a picture of this billboard.

I am sure that this seemed like a good idea at the time, especially considering there are no black people in the Netherlands. The ad execs were probably in a big conference room and they were saying to each other, “How can we grab the Dutch, nay, the world and show them how powerful this new, white, game system will be?”

Then one exec stood up and you could see by the light bulb that hovered over his head, that he had the perfect idea. “Why don’t we get this very tall, very powerful, white as white can get, white woman and have her manhandling this small black woman."

Then the room exploded with, “Brilliant!!!” "Bully!!!" and "'At's what I'm talkin' 'bout!!!"

Someone mailroom clerk probably said, “Um, don’t you think in these very politically correct days and times that this will be very offensive to your big target demographic of rappers and sports stars?” That mailroom clerk was promptly fired. Then the execs ran with it.

The most amazing thing about this is that the ad execs saw nothing wrong with this, and then the Sony execs checked it out and said in a voice reminiscent of Tone Loc, “Let’s do it.” I am beginning to wonder about the health of Sony. We have this amazing display of stupidity and we are going to seemingly have to pay a quarter of a million dollars for the new PS3, that doesn’t seem to even be coming out in the next 6 years. I think someone is asleep at the wheel.

I think we here at IA should come up with our own advertising campaign for the new PSP White. We can have a contest for the NEXT most offensive campaign (because Sony already has the MOST offensive campaign) and a legit really cool campaign.

Here’s a quick one from me to get the ball rolling.

Playstation Portable White, it’s the new White meat. Then on the billboard you could have the same huge aggressive white woman strangling a pig with one hand and a chicken with the other. That would definitely offend PETA.

This one may be hard to walk off.

Click the link for this great baseball video. It gives new meaning to the phrase base on balls. Roger Dorn would not have survived this.

RockStar:SuperNova is still crappy, but Lord help me, I can't stop watching.

I caught last night’s RockStar and here is my take. I don’t know if I was just in a better mood, but most of the singer’s did fine. I will say this; Dilana is the one to beat. I would buy her version of Ring of Fire right now. It was unbelievable. It had an Eastern, Zeppelinish sound to it and her voice is the most original voice in the competition. Unfortunately I still do not think that a female will win because of horndog Tommy Lee. However, Dilana is just scary enough to probably keep him at bay, she is the one to beat and I would not be surprised if she is asked to perform an encore tonight.

I still do not like the She Talks to (the) Angels guy, Josh Logan, he sang With Arms Wide Open by Creed last night. I think he has a whiny, nasally voice and he always puts these American Idol types runs in his songs. SuperNova will not want Clay Aiken fronting their band. Dave Navarro said he has the greatest voice he has heard in a while; I think Dave needs to have his ears cleaned out.

The other really bad guy is the guy who was in the bottom three last week. He sang Cult of Personality last week and I do not remember what he sang last night because I couldn’t understand his words. He just doesn’t enunciate, I have a hard time understanding what he is saying. He sounds like he is so nervous he can’t form words. Once again, Dave loves his voice. Dave you need help, I think you are tone deaf.

Most everyone else did fine last night. A couple of the girls were not great, but they looked good enough for me to keep them around a while. Even Mr. Roxanne sounded alright, but I still don’t like his too cocky attitude and his Scott Stapp clone looks. All in all, I am ashamed I have been sucked into this show.

Quick before youtube takes it down! Conan O'Brien's tour of Chicago with Mr. T.

Check this out. Anytime Conan O'Brien gets mixed up with Mr. T, it is comic gold. Mr. T takes Conan on a tour of Chicago and it rules. Hurry! Click the link!!!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Pink Floyd's Syd Barrett dies...

I was sifting through Yahoo's most popular photos and saw a thumb nail that knew had to be a band so I clicked on it and it was a photo of Pink Floyd from the 60's. It actually kind of shocked me that their former front man and guitarist Syd Barrett has passed away.

Say what you will about Barrett, he influenced practically everything they did even after he left the band and went into seclusion. Dark Side of the Moon is almost exclusively about mental illness and its Barrett's mental illness due to LSD and other drug use that ended his music career.

Pink Floyd is one of my most favorite bands. Probably is my favorite band. If you listen to Dark Side, you never even begin to realize that it was recorded 33 years ago in 1973. That just boggles my mind.

If you get a chance check out the albums Piper at the Gates of Dawn, Meddle, Dark Side of the Moon, Animals, Wish You Were Here, The Wall and The Division Bell. In fact, Floyd is releasing the Pulse concert video either today or tomorrow on DVD for the first time. It is a great concert. I was lucky enough to record the Pink Floyd reunion show at Live 8 this year off of XM radio and it's something I'll keep forever.

Just so everyone knows, if Pink Floyd gets back together, WE'RE THERE!!!!!

Monday, July 10, 2006


Alrighty, so here is the list of bands/artists we decided as a group have sold out or at least came close to it. Rank them 1-10 Incongruent Affecters (and friends).
Here they are in alphabetical order:

Aerosmith – “Dream On” Vs. “Cryin” “Amazin”
Bon Jovi – “Wanted Dead or Alive” Vs. “Who Says You Can’t Go Home.”
Chicago – “25 or 6 to 4” “Saturday In the Park” Vs. “Look Away”
The Eagles – “Hotel California” Vs. “Learn to be Still” “Love Will Keep us Alive”
Everclear – “Santa Monica” Vs. 1000 songs about daddy
Foreigner – “Hot Blooded” Vs. “I Wanna Know What Love Is”
Kool & the Gang – “Jungle Boogie” Vs. “Joanna”
The Offspring – “Self Esteem” “Come Out and Play” Vs. “Pretty Fly for a White Guy”
Billy Squier – “Stroke” Vs. “Rock Me Tonight”
Rod Stewart – “Maggie May” “If You Think I’m Sexy” Vs. “I’ve Got a Crush On You.”

Microsoft looking to fight iPod with new player

Microsoft always seems to be "Johnny-on-the-spot." Apple rolls our OS X five years ago and in early 2007 all of you Windows XP users will be Vista users and will be able to do all of the wonderful things that we Mac users have had since 2002.

After Apple has made billions of dollars selling iPods and fueled their sale with the ingenius and wonderfully addictive iTunes, Microsoft is creating a music player.

I don't have a problem with Microsoft trying to do this, but what do they thing they are going to be able to do that's better? Apple, according to the Today show this morning, has 80 percent of the portable music player market and they've sold like $500 million worth of songs on iTunes.

The reason that the iPod is cool is because it's simple. Sure it has developed over the years with smaller models and larger models with video, but anything that Microsoft can come out with will have to be very similar.

I've heard that they want bigger video screens which hinders portability in my eyes. The one thing that is interesting is self contained online connectivity for songs on their iTunes-like service. Sure it sounds great, but you are going to have to pay for that just like on a cell phone along with the price of a song. And on top of that, I'm not going to surf the net for songs on a super small screen.

And anything they can come up with to possibly improve the a portable music player can be added to the iPod anyway.

I also don't see how Microsoft will be able to combat the range of iPods that are out there. I dropped $70 for my iPod Shuffle and totally love it. Nanos are now as cheap as $150. And then you have the full blown iPod video for $300. How can Microsoft expect to compete with that?

And iTunes is such a force, that I question the sanity of the dude at Microsoft who thought that they could bring it down and dip into the market very much.

I hope they give it the old college try, but I wish Microsoft would come up with some ideas on its own. Apple is what it is because of well designed stylish hardware and wonderfully simple and powerful software rolled out and supported by one company.

Microsoft has a lot to learn, especially since Macs can run Windows now.

Au revoir Frenchie

I was rooting for Italy anyway. But when you watched the World Cup Final on Sunday and watched France's top three players leave the game (two because they were tired, one because he was a jerk) you really started rooting against them. Maybe Earl's right, and karma does play a role in the universe.

Let me set the stage. First, France got its first score on another bogus penalty kick. Another Freanch flop in the box got French national hero Zinadene Zidane another shot at the goal in his final match before retirement. He nailed the crossbar, but it bounced it in for the goal.

I felt doom for Italy. But the Italians countered just 12 minutes later and it stayed even through the two overtimes. Let's not get ahead of ourselves though. First in the second period Ribery checked himself out. I can understand that one. That guy literally runs from one side of the field to the other the entire match.

Then at the start of the second overtime, the best player France had to offer, Thierry Henry checked himself out because he was cramping. Look, stretch it out. You're one of the best players in the world. Can you imagine Jordan taking himself out of game 7? It just doesn't happen.

Then the clincher. Zidane, arguing with an Italian away from the ball turns and delivers the headbutt heard round the world. Straight into the chest. And he was ejected. So France goes to penalty kicks for the World Cup without it's three best players. Italy won 5-3 on PKs. That's karma, baby. When your best players takes himself out and the national icon goes Rob Dibble in the middle of the pitch, you don't deserve to win.

Friday, July 07, 2006

My take on the first kickoff on RockStar. Like you care.

*****Breaking RockStar News*****

I forgot to add this in my original post. I infromed you of the many singers performing rock squats during their songs on the first night, well we now have rockin' jacks. One of the performers, I think it was Mr. Cult of Personality/Switchfoot performed about 6 jumping jacks during his Switchfoot song. This is a new move that the singers can utilize and it has been rechristened, by me, as rockin' jacks. I'm sure if you haven't seen the performance, you can find it on

*****Breaking RockStar News*****

Let me give a quick impression of the first “rocker” kicked off RockStar. America votes on their favorite and the bottom three vote getters get to perform a song of their choice for the band, to try and save themselves. The band then kicks someone off.

The bottom three were the guy who butchered Roxanne, the guy who butchered Cult of Personality, and the guy who sang a Coldplay song. I thought the guy who butchered Roxanne was a little too cocky for someone who sucks BAD. He said that he was one of the greatest rock singers on Earth because he wouldn’t be in this competition if he wasn’t. Actually, Junior, if you were one of the greatest rock singers on Earth, you wouldn’t need this show and you would already be headlining arenas with your own band. He performed LA Woman by the Doors. Once again he sucked. This guy just seems like he is high when he sings, it seems like he doesn’t care about his performance. Somehow this jackass did not get kicked off.

The guy who butchered Cult of Personality sang a Switchfoot song to redeem himself. I don’t think I have ever heard a Switch foot song and I can honestly say he butchered Switchfoot. He is like the Roxanne guy; he seems unconcerned about giving his best. Neither can sing and they should both be kicked off.

Now we come to Mr. Coldplay, Matt Hoffer. He is chided for singing a Coldplay song by Jason Newsted and is asked to bring the rock. Well, Mr. Hoffer sings a Duran Duran song. When Newsted heard that, he almost fell out of his chair. He changed the arrangement and rocked it up a bit but was kicked off the show. I think Hoffer was, as Curly Howard would say, a victim of circumstance. He was not great but he was better than either of the first two. He just got voted off for liking Duran Duran.

As for the rest of the show, the band asked my girl Dilana to perform again and she sang the same Nirvana song and did the same crazy dances. She is frightening. She has a sort of hard drinking biker chick look, but it works. She sounds like Sass Jordan after chain smoking and drinking whiskey all night. Udo, or Lukas to some, tried to be the “bad guy” by asking some to pick the worst in the group. I liked it; you have to be cocky and arrogant. Unfortunately when it came time to name his bottom three he wussed out and hemmed and hawed. Udo is a sellout, but still in second place behind Dilana in my eyes.

Biggest Sell-Outs in Rock History

I thought today it’d be fun to start a list of the biggest sell-outs in the history of rock’n’roll. With Piccu and Bratch on board, and to a lesser extent merlin, we should be able to build quite an extensive list.

I’m going to start out old school with a band that completely sold out.
Chicago – Anyone familiar with Chicago’s great old songs like “Saturday In The Park,” “25 or 6 to 4” and “Does Anyone Really Know What Time It Is” who then compares that with their music of the 80s and 90s like “Look Away” will see my point. The man to blame is of course, Peter Cetera. His high octave crooning ruined the band’s direction and made them hit makers. But their music was completely radio friendly and poppy after being refreshing and different in the 70s.

Aerosmith – Even though I’ve never been an Aerosmith fan, it’s pretty easy to see that they’ve really toned down from their early days of “Dream On” and “Back in the Saddle Again” to the modern stuff. Sometimes bands just get old. After 25+ years of rocking, you probably run out of things to say.

The Eagles – I’m an Eagles fan. Ok, I’ve said it. But on the “Hell Freezes Over” CD it was obvious that they had aged and were no longer capable of writing great songs. It’s difficult to characterize the Eagles as having sold out when they were always on the fence that separates rock and country, but there used to be a tiny bit of an edge there. No more.

Everclear - Even though they have recently reformed with a nearly entirely new lineup, Everclear sold out in the late 90s. After great songs like Santa Monica, they pretty much sang every other song after that about someone's daddy. It got old quickly. The sound was still pretty good, but the lyrics were oh so tame.

The Offspring - Whether or not you were ever a fan of the Offspring, you noticed the obvious selling out. Pretty Fly for a White Guy is one of the most annoying songs in the history of rock. Then follow that up with the nearly equally annoying "Get a Job" and you've got sell out material. It's a shame after the band had some great songs on their first couple albums like "Gone Away" and "Self Esteem." That's a long fall.

Green Day - Hard to say they've sold out? Please. Selling out for a popular political message to me gets you on the list. Punk is always supposed to be bucking the establishment, but Green Day plays that card straight to the bank. Never been a fan, and have become even less of one recently.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

I worry about Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest.

My most anticipated movie thus far in the bloated, overhyped summer movie season is coming this Friday. It’s Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. I unfortunately believe that I will be very disappointed with the final result. I have already seen mixed (at best) reviews of the movie and the main problem seems to be that what was once original and novel is now just the same performance in a new setting.

I saw the first Pirates movie and went in with little or no expectations and I was blown away at how out and out entertaining it was. I expected crap because it was a movie based on a Disneyworld ride. How could that be any good? Instead you got one of the most original and unique performances in movie history, Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow.

I feel that Pirates 2 will not be near as entertaining because we have already been introduced to the weirdness of Captain Jack and what was once new and exciting will now be old and ho-hum. I believe we will find out that perhaps this shouldn’t have been turned into a “franchise” and just left to the first and original Pirates.

I hope I am wrong and I am still going to be fired up to see this movie. I just do not think the first can be topped and that the kookiness can sustain itself. The good news is that I will more than likely be looking forward to Pirates 3 more than 2 because Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones will be in 3 portraying Captain Jack’s dad. It has been said by Depp that he based Jack Sparrow's mannerisms on Richards. I think watching “Keef” acting could be more entertaining than anything you could imagine.

I worry about Supernova...

First off, I'll admit that this show is somewhat entertaining. However that's only because the dudes making up "the band" are legitimate. When INXS did it, you can't bring back a band that really only had one hit almost 20 years ago and expect them to do anything.

With Supernova you know that Jason Newstead, Tommy Lee and Gilby Clark aren't going to do crappy canned American Idol songs or worse do nothing at all like INXS did. All they managed to do was make @sses of themselves on national television.

That being said, every singer they had last night was pretty flawed, but there are some big red flags that pop up quickly. I'm worried how this is going to turn out.

I'm pretty sure that anyone that picked a song that wasn't even remotely close to the music they are going to make is pretty much cut. We are talking GN'R, Metallica and Motley Crue here.

Goo Goo Dolls guy is history. The dude that sang She Talks To Angels, or She Talks To (the) Angels is cut as well. Not only did he have a munchkin voice but as soon as he ran a scale someone should have gonged him. To death.

Any folky chick tunes (i.e. Another Piece of My Heart, any Melissa Ethridge song) gets you immediately cut as well. And the chick that did the Nickelback song doesn't have a strong enough voice. Remember there are more bad rock singers than good ones, but they can all belt out a tune. She can't.

The chick that did the Nirvana song had me right up to the point where she started flailing about the place like a chicken with her head cut off. All she had to do to cap off the performance after just standing there was was grab the mic stand, walk out to the crowd, do a "rock squat,"(to stay current) then take a power stance and project strength. If she had done that, the contest would be over. Unfortunately, I don't think a chick stands a chance.

Other than her lack of singing ability and the free form dance number she did at the end of the song she had me. But like I said, the best singer isn't necessarily going to win.

The best dude of the night, I'm sad to say, was the last guy that did Rebel Yell. Again, he can't sing worth a damn, but he had a presence and the song arrangement was cool with the song stopping and kicking in again at the end.

His only problem is that the jury is still out as to whether he was actually singing the correct words because he doesn't enunciate. At all. And the biggest problem with me is that he looks like Yellow Bastard from Sin City. Except he's not yellow.

That's a big red flag... Or yellow one as the case may be.

RockStar: SuperNova is Super Craptacular.

I am an American Idol fan, which almost sounds like something you would hear at American Idol Anonymous. Why I am a fan, I do not know because I do not see myself ever buying an album of an American Idol winner. That is generally not my type of music. So now we have another in a long line of American Idol ripoffs that premiered last night, RockStar: SuperNova. Maybe this is my type of music???

Rockstar was on last year and I believe I watched about 2 and a half minutes of it. The show finds a lead singer for a rock band; it’s all very simple and believable. Last year’s band was INXS and since I had not cared anything about INXS since about 1989 I had no interest in the show. Now the producers of the show have formed a new band to find a lead singer for, a supergroup that consists of Motley Crue’s Tommy Lee, Gilby Clarke formerly of Guns ‘N’ Roses, and Jason Newsted formerly of Metallica.

So these guys and some producer dude have to wade through 15 guys and gals and pick their new lead singer and they will record a singer and perform a New Year’s Show. Last night’s show was our first introduction and our first impression of the potential lead singers for SuperNova. It didn’t go well.

Most of these singers, guys and girls, all had the American Idol type affectations you would expect from a rock singer. One of the singers performed Satisfaction by the Stones and strutted around like Mick Jagger. He of course was slagged by the band for it, but most of the singers made use of the Backstreet Boys style of hand movements. All the singers except for two made use of the rock squat.

Rock squat? I’ll explain. The crowd was right at the feet of the singers during their performance and all but two made sure to squat down like a catcher in baseball to make themselves closer to the crowd. It was as if the producers of the show said, “Sing with confidence, have fun, and for the love of God, be sure to bust out a rock squat about half way through the performance. It will impress the band.” The performances were all the typical “rock” performances and none of the affectations impressed me.

Some of the songs these people picked made me want to vomit. When you think of being the lead singer of a band with members from the Crue, G’N’R, and Metallica, I don’t sing a Goo Goo Dolls song. I don’t take Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door and turn it into a Dave Matthews jam. I don't take the Police’s Roxanne (one of my personal alltime favorites) and totally butcher it beyond recognition. The song choices mostly sucked, about half were contemporary rock songs and/or songs we have heard 6,000 times. One inspired choice was The Who’s Pinball Wizard by the first girl, but she looked to be a psycho during her performance and she freaked me out.

I know this is getting long, especially for a show I don’t even like, but I did like two of the performers. One was a chick named Dilana who performed a Nirvana song. She just kind of stood there belting it out, which I liked. Unfortunately she began to rock a little bit and started doing some sort of satanic chicken dancing and a dance that could only be described as running in place through the tires at football camp. Other than that, I dug her; she scared me into liking her. The bad news for her is that there is no way that this group can have a girl as their frontman. At least not as long as Tommy Lee is in the band.

I also liked the last dude who sang Billy Idol’s Rebel Yell. He just looks weird enough to win this thing. He wasn’t particularly good, but he seemed more genuine in his stage presence and did not have the same affectations as the rest. I believe that this guy, let’s call him Udo, will win this thing and go on to be the adequate frontman for the supergroup SuperNova.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

The Cost of One Dud

North Korea, our close friends, decided to test launch some nuclear capable missiles during our Independence Day. The objective was clearly to demand attention and to flex some military muscle. More muscle gives madman Kim Jong Ill the capability to demand more from the international community.

At least seven missiles have been tested. The only one capable of going intercontinental, and thus capable of hitting the western United States, failed miserably. In fact, it flopped into the Sea of Japan about 35 seconds after launch.

So what is the cost of one dud missile? Apparently it’s going to be about $.25 a gallon. Oil immediately traded at a record high ($75.40) and gas prices will quickly adjust accordingly, if they haven’t already. I know next door to my work gas is already up to $2.99, up from 2.76 on the 4th of July.

I’ve heard conservative estimates say that North Korea is still a long way away from any reliable technology in carrying nuclear warheads to the U.S. I’ve heard as many as ten years into the future. So why is this so scary today? Does anyone honestly expect that Kim Jong Ill would ever be allowed to continue in this trend? Sadly, it has taken this long for the international community to really sit up and take serious notice. So assuming that this could continue may not be much of a stretch.

Propaganda driven news sources in North Korea are itching for a fight. While we all should pray that it doesn’t come to that, there’s a small part of me that thinks it might be about time for the world to see that threats like this bring harsh consequences from other civilized societies. Maybe one big smiting is enough to keep other nuts (like Iran) at bay for a while longer.

OK, so it's not the King's English...

I'll admit that I'm not the greatest speller in the world, but every problem you see on this sign was duplicated on the sign that is pointed in the opposite direction.

Yard sales and garages sales are practically a sport in the OC, but it takes a keen eye to pick out which ones are worth your time. I wonder how this one turned out? I would imagine it had some good quality items.

For me, the 3rd of July was better than the 4th of July.

I hope everyone had a great 4th of July and for some of you who were not at Big Kev’s on the 3rd of July, you missed a great fireworks display. I would even say that it was better than the county display at the fairgrounds. Bratch and I went across the river to stock up and our friends hooked us up with about $750 to $800 worth of fireworks for a low, low price. Then on to Big Kev’s and after some of the best grilled meats you have ever tasted, courtesy of moi, we began the fireworks bombardment.

Brad and JoJo were the ones who were lighting all the bombs this year and it was an interesting time watching them dodge the fiery bursts coming out of the launches. What really made this year’s fireworks great was the fact that I believe that we, the crowd, sat too close. We go hit with shrapnel and flotsam and jetsam all night long. Also, we had a few new ones that we hadn’t tried before and I actually thought about fleeing the scene when one display had spinning fireballs that seemed ready to hurtle into the crowd at any moment.

We had a huge crowd for the fireworks and lots of kids, which also meant lots of kids freaking out. Some had to watch from the inside or about 100 yards away from the rest of us. Scattered throughout the beautiful showers of sparks were loud blasts coming from what is usually referred to as Small Festival Balls, although, this year we got a different kind.

For those of you who do not know what Small Festival Balls are, they are these tiny little balls of what can only be described as dynamite that shoot into the air and just explode. No pretty lights or sparks, just the loudest explosion you will ever hear. These things are dangerous and we have done experiments to prove it. Many a duck decoy and trash can have lost their lives in these experiments. This year there was a different set of these balls. We were told they were louder, but they weren’t, they were just as loud though. The big difference was that as they shot into the air, they had a nice colorful trail behind them, unlike the regular Small Festival Balls which had no trail and could be easily spotted as the shot out of the launch. I admit that I jumped several times as they exploded in amongst a group of colorful shots.

There is a short description of the festivities and if you haven't noticed, behind Christmas and Thanksgiving, the 4th is my favorite holiday. Mixing a little danger and a lot of fun and I am sure it is your favorite too. After the fireworks, this led to the many tales of danger and stupidity my family and friends are famous for when we get out hands on illegal fireworks. The destruction of federal property, the scaring of old ladies and their grandchildren, the near explosion of a white Chevy Blazer, not to be confused with the near explosion of a small town gas station are legendary throughout the USA, if not in our own minds. If you thought Tales of Halloween Mischief were interesting, then you just don’t know my crew. Maybe I’ll let you in on some of these stories, assuming the statute of limitations has expired.