Monday, August 07, 2006

The password is...possums.

I was going to post this as a comment to one of my earlier posts, but it got too long so I decided to post this as a slice of life in a rural Kentucky county. It has to deal with the subject of the day, possums.

I have made my feelings known about them and some of you have to, and this "incident" just adds to my hate of possums.

One night, my cousin and I were out spotlighting, and for those of you who don’t know what spotlighting is, it is the act of shining a bright spotlight into fields looking for deer. Usually you are also looking to shoot a deer after spotting them, and I am neither confirming nor denying I have ever been a part of something like that, but when in Rome.

Anyway, we were without a gun for those of you interested, and we came across a possum. He was walking through a freshly turned over field and I told my cousin to take this club we had called the totem beater (a whole other story all together, it was just a good solid club) and go out there and whack that possum on the head.

I know it sounds cruel and not to mention unusual, but I hate possums. I kept the light out on the field as my cousin got the beater and went after the little bugger. When he caught the possum he was about 30 to 40 feet away from the truck. He reared back and hit that sucker right on top of the head. It sounded like Albert Pujols had just hit a homerun it cracked the little varmint’s skull so loud.

Well, the possum just turned and faced my cousin and hissed at him. Like the devil himself was hissing at us. My cousin turned and ran to the truck a s^*#in’ and a gittin’ as they tend to say around these parts. I then watched as the possum waddled off through the field in what resembled a drunken man’s plodding.

That is the night that I found out that possums cannot be killed by conventional weapons. I have often thought of pledging my life to ridding the world of these evil creatures, like Sam and Dean of the great CW show Supernatural do with supernatural evil. In closing, I will do almost anything that will end a possum’s life and I hope they burn in hell (reread that last part in the voice of Samuel L. Jackson).


Orelinde_03 said...

I cannot believe I am cyber-buddies with a possum hater. I just really can't get over the fact that you have such a hate on for possums. Granted I have no idea what kind of good they offer the world, but they have to offer some kind of good.

We have them up here too, and you'll see them waddle through a back yard...more often squashed on the side of the road.

Piccu said...

Well, about 10 years back a friend told me a story of coming upon a dead horse and seeing 4 or 5 possums coming out of it after they had just had the family dinner. That mental image has stuck in my head since that time and I cannot look favorably on these abominations.

Otherwise I love animals, and since I do not consider possums animals, but the spawn of satan, it does not bother me to stirke one down in cold blood.

BRATCH said...

Well, Orelinde, where we are from people eat these things. LOL

Frankenstein never scared me...

But marsupials do... Because they're fast!

Orelinde_03 said...

When I was a kid, someone once gave me a stuffed (toy) animal and it was a possum, called 'Pasquale Possum'. It was done because my Uncle Pat's name is really Pasquale.

But other than that, I have no love for these things. And they are rather ugly. And with Piccu's story of the dead horse, yeah...I can understand the desire to rid the human world of these critters.

Bratch, have you ever eaten one?

Piccu said...

I have never eaten one, at least not to my knowledge, and Bratch hasn't either, at least not to my knowledge. I have eaten raccoon, barbecued actually. It's not very good.