Where was I when it was decided that Chinese fortune cookies would become Chinese proverb cookies? I missed that vote, obviously.
I guess I jumped on the Chinese food bandwagon pretty late. Growing up in Real OC, we didn't even have a Chinese restaurant in town until I was a junior or senior in high school. I eased my way in the way most cautious first time foreign food eaters do. With chicken. Sweet and Sour chicken. I since have progressed. Today I just finished off something called Subgum Lo Mein. It was a dish with lo mein noodles, shrimp, chicken, beef, chinese cabbage, onions, carrots and some other unidentifiable stuff. It was great and for less than $5 I filled myself to the gills.
Then I opened my fortune cookie. What should be the paramount moment of any Chinese food experience.
"Affection is the broadest base of a good life." Blech! Suddenly my food tasted bad.
What is that? That's a proverb. I want something like, "You will find a large sum of money." "You will break a bone." Good news, bad news, whatever, just make it interesting.
I actually got one fortune cookie that quoted the bible. I kept it in my wallet for the longest time to show people who doubted me. It quoted Hebrews, "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." A direct quote of Hebrews 11:1.
Now some people prefer to insert fun into the now worthless fortunes with the "...in bed" technique. Of course this is where you add the phrase "in bed" to the end of any fortune. Sometimes it's funny, usually it's not.
I want real fortunes though, darn it. Real fortunes. Prophesy (falsely) about deaths, births, inheritances, accidents, promotions, demotions, emotions, what have you. Just nut up and make a prediction. This kind of wishy washiness is wearing thin.