In honor of my favorite show returning to the air waves, and I warned this might happen last week, here are a few random facts about CTU agent Jack Bauer.
Some people see the glass as half full. Others see it as half empty. Jack Bauer see the glass as a deadly weapon.
Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
Jack Bauer has never caught a cold. How do we know? Colds still exist.
On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
When Special Forces raided an afghan training camp, they found an empty camp and a pirated copy of 24 Season 4.
There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Jack Bauer way. It's basically the right way but faster with more deaths.
Jack Bauer never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.
When bad things happen to good people, it’s probably fate. When bad things happen to bad people, it’s probably Jack Bauer.
The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the f’n bomb was.
There have been no terrorist attacks in the United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.
...and on the seventh day Jack Bauer said, "I'll take it from here."