Friday, November 04, 2005

Patrick Sparks and 2005-06 University of Kentucky Wildcats look scary.

I came into the office today and found a nice surprise on the wall in my office space. It was a brand spanking new 2005-06 University of Kentucky Wildcats schedule/calendar. It has the 30 years of Rupp Arena stamp, the upcoming schedule and a calendar for next year. It also has pictures of the Cats. It is made up to be a team picture, but you can tell that it just looks like a photo shop job.

The calendar has some interesting photos. It has the three 7 footers all standing together looking gangsta. It has Joe Crawford sitting and smiling a big "I'm glad I didn't ruin my college career by leaving here" smile. Adam Williams is standing there with arms crossed looking like Ian Tomblinson. Ravi Moss and Ramal Bradley look like they are from the mean streets of Hopkinsville and Brooklyn, respectively.

Then we come to Tubby who has a smile on his face, something you do not see during a game and he also has Brandon Stockton leaning on his shoulder. Brandon Stockton knows he needs to lean on Tubby to get himself some playing time during his final season. Rajon Rondo is breaking down an old school Run-DMC arms crossed pose and beside him is Bobby Perry appearing as though he is about to blow. He looks like supa-fly TNT. Sheray Thomas and Rekalin Sims are seen together with Sheray pointing to Rekalin as if to say, "Yep, this is the man who is going to take my job."

Now we get to the most interesting pictures on the calendar. We have Randolph Morris standing with arms crossed and a tiny smirk on his face. He appears to be very proud he has pulled this off. "I made it onto the calendar and I might not even be on the team." Who knows what will happen with Morris, perhaps UK will be lucky and have a Charlie Villanueva situation and he only misses 5 or 6 games. Or UK may get even luckier and he will not be allowed back at all. With the way the NCAA moves we may know before 2010.

Now, we get to everyone’s favorite Cat, especially Sivart. We call him Pat-Pat, Patrick Sparks. His picture is very interesting. He has arms to his sides and a far off, vacant stare that makes me think he wants to do bodily harm to me. Bratch has always claimed that he looked like a serial killer. In this photo he is in full John Wayne Gacy mode. I am becoming so unsettled by it that I may remove it from my area or perhaps burn it to remove the evil from my office.

That is a look at the team photo in my office. I think it gives us a unique insight into the future performance of this team. I see an SEC title and a strong showing in the NCAAs; unfortunately it will end with an Elite 8 finish. Then next year, we will lose Rondo, Morris, Pat-Pat and most decimatingly…Brandon “The Brandon” Stockton. Next year’s photo should be radically different, but as long as Ted Bundy is not in it, it will be an improvement.


Travis said...

Patrick "Benedict Arnold/Moonglow Baby/Ingrown-Mullett/Overcredited Streaky Shooter/Muhlenberg County Savior/How Did I Date Natalie Powers?!?" Sparks has always been the oddest looking Wildcat. And that's saying a LOT on a team with Shagari Alleyne.

The best thing you can do with any UK calendar/poster is to burn it.

BRATCH said...

You forgot "Defensive Liability".

I don't care if the C-J did have an article about his improving defense. In the NCAA tournament, if you take away "the 3", he couldn't guard anyone on the floor in any game. If his guy didn't score, the person who had to bail him out on defense had his guy score.

Sparks did just enough throughout the season that few paid attention to his defense. Or lack there of(See Louisville game). If he misses "the 3" and doesn't get a chance to talk trash to Billy Packer's face, all of his defensive issues come out.

The article somewhat gives off the impression that he just doesn't try hard at playing defense, but after getting blown by time after time in the Tournament you would have to think that effort might not be the cause.

Teams went at him from the get go and it paid dividends for them. If he averages 15 points but gives up 15 points through his poor defensive efforts, how does that help?

How about Patrick "The Neutralizer" Sparks.