Friday, November 04, 2005

Britney's boy is all grown up

It appears that everyone's favorite celebrity,Britney's Husband, has gone from dancing to rapping. It seems that a track from his soon-to-be-in-a-bargain-basket-near-you rap album was posted on the website of one of the producers.

Apparently he has created some new-fangled rap style from the future that supposedly sounds a lot like Kelis' "Milkshake" which was a terrible song from the past. If anyone saw her performance on SNL you probably saw that even though she only sings in about 40 percent of the song, she was noticably winded about 30 seconds in and that seemed to end her career.

So K-Fed is his rap name even though "Brit's Hub" seems more appropriate. He's only famous because Britney Spears thought that procreating with him would be a wonderful idea since she wasn't doing anything productive at the time.

I know that I don't have to tell you that this album is going to suck so bad it'll blow, but I would like to at least tell you why it's going to blow. And it has nothing to do with the fact that he probably can't rap. It might sound like the second coming of Jay-Z, but it'll never make it because he doesn't have any street cred.

It you have street cred you can put out rap songs where it sounds like there are a couple of guys moaning in the background like they've been shot and left for dead and they'll be hits. Master P did it. If you've done time for dealin' crack or better yet, have been shot several times, you can release a full blown platinum hit where most people can't understand a word you are saying. 50 Cent did it and now he's makin' a movie about it.

The only way Britney's husband is going to have a successful album is if the cover is a mugshot from Folsom Prison and the liner notes include a long and successful rap sheet of the crimes he's committed and served time over.

Or better yet, if he could finish the album and get sent prison for 3-6 months and then cordinate the album release with his prison release... Triple platinum.

That's a winner right there, I should be his agent.

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