Monday, July 24, 2006

What have you done with Ashley Simpson?!?

Have you seen Ashley Simpson lately? For some reason I DVRed some videos on MTV, actually it was the hour of videos MTV shows all day. I did this to check out what MTV thought was popular today, and to perhaps see Nelly Furtado or Beyonce. I did see that Ashley Simpson has a video on MTV copying the movie Million Dollar Baby and she portrayed a boxer. I kept thinking two things as I watched this video. One was, who is this girl? She looked like a miniature version of Jessica Simpson. I know she got a nose job and changed her hair, but she looks exactly like her sister. The second thing I kept thinking is I bet the actress that is “boxing” her has been given strict instructions not to hit Ash anywhere above the chest. They wouldn’t want an errant punch coming anywhere near that fresh new beak of hers.

Why Ashley? Why? I liked you better than your sister. I loved the black hair, you changed that. I love the little bump in your proboscis, you had that grinded down. I liked your quasi-punk hair do with the bangs falling in your face; you have now adopted hair extensions and have a Jessica Simpson hairdo circa 1999. What is your major malfunction?

If I were Jessica, I would be getting very worried about this Ashley situation. Ash has already written a song about how Jessica got all the attention. She has already fashioned herself into a Jessica Mini-Me. This thing is getting a little too Single White Female for me. Or this could have all been brought on by the actions of Ash and Jessica’s creepy pedo-paw. Jess got all the attention from dear old dad and now Ash is transforming herself into a faux Jessica to get her some of father's attention. A classic case of a girl with daddy issues mixed with a shot of sibling rivalry.

In case you haven’t seen some pics of her new trunk, click the link.


BRATCH said...

Seems to me like you are taking this a little too hard.

Travis said...

I'm most disappointed by the fact that she's found a way to stay in the public eye.
Personally, I'd like to see and her sister shipped off to Mars in the next space mission to see if life can be sustained on the red planet. And if it can't, oh well.

Oh, and at very least, can we rid the world of America's creepiest youth minister, Joe Simpson. That guy's just greasy enough to be SPAM.

Piccu said...

How would you like to have that guy as your little girl's youth minister? Or would he only be interested in his own girls?

Either way, I think he made a very smart career change.

Cort said...

Let me try.

No, I just cannot care.