Friday, September 23, 2005

Small town rules...

For those of you who don't know, everyone involved with "The Affect" is from a small town and if you aren't from a small town, you don't know the rules. There aren't many rules because I'm fixing to make them up as I go, but they will be rules that make sense. Maybe.

Rule 1) When you travel to another city, never eat at a restaurant you have at home.

Like tonight for instance, I'm going to a football game tonight for a broadcast and my broadcast partner wants to eat at stinkin' Hardees. Not happenin'. But he's living the restaurant capitol of the world, Bowling Green, Kentucky. I'd rather eat at that dive truck stop in Canneyville (population 12) before Hardees.

Rule 2) Don't get caught doing anything bad in front of any old people in a small town. Or at least don't do anything you wouldn't want everyone to know about.

You've heard of 6 degrees of separation, well old people here are separated by about 1 and a half degrees. They all know one another and word will get back to your parents, grand parents or at least circulate the church before you know it. And it will end up in the newspaper barring a miracle if you get arrested. This keeps a lot of us out of trouble.

Rule 3) On the 4th of July, if all of the good fireworks you can buy are illegal in your state, feel free to set them off if you can get them.

Every year we acquire about $600 worth of the most illegal munitions available to the public and set them off in the street in the middle of town. No one cares because it's a heckuva show. Up until the this past 4th, we had the best show in the county until there was a commercial show this year.

Rule 3) If you marry a chick outside of your small town, don't expect to ever live in your town again.

This isn't a hard and fast rule, but at least 75% of the time an outside chick is met at college and they like to go clubbin'. There are no clubs here and on the outside chance that they graduate from college, chances are they aren't going to be able to use that chemistry degree there. Care to comment Merlin? Tee Hee! That was a cheap shot. LOL

Rule 4) When a fashion trend actually gets to your small town, it's officially over everywhere else.

That's not to say that people/kids didn't know the trend when it started, but they may have not had the clothing/accessories available to them. Or it takes them a little more time to build up the nerve to wear their pants belted around their knees.

Rule 5) When you go fishing in a rural area around a small town, ask for permission first.

Small town rural areas aren't far from the time where Mr. Banker would risk getting shot when he came to foreclose on the family farm. So if Mr. Banker had a legal right to be there, imagine what Billy Bob might do with you trespassing AND stealing his fish. This goes for hunting too.

So those are a few rules for small town living. That's the best I could do coming up with them off the top of my head. But if you can think of any rules on your own, feel free to post a comment or Piccu and Merlin can add to the list.

1 comment:

my_merlin77 said...

I like the rules and agree with them for the most part. I will put a caveat in for the point directed to me. There is an exception to the rule about chicks met in college: If that chick is originally from her own small town. No this says nothing to the fact that she might want to live in her own small town.

To speak on my own situation I have to set up a few "provided's". Provided my job offers are all equal, we have children or are in planning them, she has decided to work in a situation that is suitable to her needs (in my office or has found a job she likes); then I'd say it is more like 50:50.

Jenn and I both like like Ky and both would not choose O-boro or Muhlenburg Co (I name the latter b/c I forsee job opportunities arising there that may or may not be competive with other offers). We both like BG and BD though each to different extents. We both have concerns about the educational systems which would have to be well explored in advance to oving anywhere.

I will say this, Florida was on our list and is rapidly falling to the bottom especially if hurricanes persist.