Lil' Kim going away for a Lil' while.

Well, well, well, Lil’ Kim is going to the big house. I can only imagine the shower fights she will be involved in. She was sentenced to one year and one day, she got lucky. The prosecution was asking for around 3 to 4 years. I kinda feel bad for the Lil’ one because she will not be able to get her monthly plastic surgery adjustments, I don’t know if you noticed, but she actually needs it. She has had so much plastic surgery already, she looks like a gargoyle. I will say that she does look cute with sunglasses on; you know the ones that pretty much cover her face. I wonder if the prison will allow her to change her hair color every week like she does on the “outside.” I bet Lil’ will think twice about covering for her homies now.

If you don’t know what happened, apparently Lil’ Kim’s posse got into a shoot out with Capone N Noreaga’s posse. During Grand Jury testimony, Lil’ said she did not see two of her homies, who both pleaded guilty to gun charges, at the shootout. Unfortunately for her, there was a security camera that had pictures of Lil’ and both men she claims were not with her that night. Whoops! Kim must think that rappers who haven’t had a hit, without four of the hottest singers in the business (hello, Pink, Mya, Christina, and Missy), in 10 years can get away with lying to a Grand Jury. During sentencing she asked the judge to not just consider her days in front of the grand jury in which she lied, but to consider her life’s work. Ok, let’s look.

Lil’ slept with B.I.G. and then became a medium sized rap star, hmmm. Obviously she knows how to sleep her way to the top. She had enough plastic surgery to last dozens of superficial women. She has gone from about an A cup to a DD cup and she takes many opportunities to show them off. She obviously knows that sex sells. She is probably most famous for being felt up by crazy ol’ Diana Ross on the MTV Music Video Awards. By the by, she was also showing off her surgically faked hooters during this episode. Unless I am wrong, and we all know I am not, this is her complete life’s work. According to my math, this adds up to about 366 years in prison. Apparently the judge in the case was using that funny math and came up with 366 days in prison. Oh, I forgot that she won a Grammy for her part in Lady Marmalade, so that explains the difference in my math and the judge’s. Not as much time as most would like to see, but it is enough to make Lil’ think about getting all gangsta in the future.

Well, Lil’ one, I guess this is goodbye, at least until next year some time. You should really contact M. Diddy, Martha Stewart, and find out how to pass the time, especially if you have to spend some time in the hole. Martha can show you how to fashion a shiv out of the end of a toothbrush. You can walk around freely with the bristled end sticking out of your pocket and noone will be the wiser. That is, until you shank a new fish who isn’t giving you respect, but I digress. I’m sure you two hard core felons will have much to discuss. Good luck and good riddance, Lil’ Kim.