American Idol: The Terrible Twelve

It’s Idol time and as far as I am concerned, EVERYONE MUST GO!!!! There are only two people who belong on that stage and they are Melinda and Lakisha. Melinda is a professional so I expect her to be great every time and Lakisha, I think, over the last few shows has proved she can sing anything. I am interested in seeing how both of them do during the always crappy country week. Other than those two, the rest couldn’t compete, much less win, any of the past seasons. I think this is the worst group ever and I wonder if this will affect the ratings. If you have to watch crap every week, there’s a chance you will stop watching and just keep up with it online. Well, I won’t because I enjoy the crap singers more than the good ones, which is why I loved last night’s show. Let’s run them down.

Brandon was first and for a professional singer he is sooooo bad. I am starting to think his family and friends made him do this and he was happy just being a backup singer. He hasn’t brought anything to the show yet and if you can’t bring it by now you don’t need to be here. And he FORGOT THE WORDS!!! He is a professional. He has “rellegedly” toured with big stars, but it seems as though he has never been in front of an audience. He and Sanjaya need to find their onions.

Then we have Gina who sang Love Child. I thought she did pretty well but towards the end of the show I tried to count up all who performed to see who was left and for the life of me I couldn’t remember her. I even remembered Haley and she was bad. Gina can’t win but should stay a while, especially since she will be getting the “rocker” vote.

Here’s where I begin to forget the order, so I will go with Phil. I think this was his best performance and I thought he was the best of the guys. With that being said he can’t win because he has no stage presence. He is pretty good but not great.

Let’s go to Haley why don’t we. She was bad and she forgot the words as well. But in her defense, she is NOT a professional and she looked like she was the most nervous of them all. I think her mini breakdown and crying jag plus Simon saying it wasn’t that bad, may keep her in this one more week. She has no shot at finishing top 5 much less winning.

Let’s go to Sanjaya. He is the worst singer to have ever made the final 12 and I am not sure he isn’t the worst singer to ever make it to the final 24. His voice is non existent. He sings like he talks, very, very quietly. He is a horrible performer, smiling and dancing while it sounds like he just wants to get it over with and go home. I do love watching him perform and I hope he stays a long time. If America is smart he will be gone tonight, but America isn’t that smart.

Melinda is good. I go back and forth every week between her and Lakisha and I think she was 1A this week. She has done all she needs to do. If she were voted off tonight we would be hearing her in 6 to 8 months on the radio. She doesn’t need this show anymore.

Chris Sligh turned a Diana Ross song into Clocks. He messed up. I also think he sounds the same every week. He sounds pretty good, but Lakisha and Melinda change their style up week by week but Sligh is same old same old. He will get old, but has best shot of the guys to win, singing wise.

Lakisha was the bomb as Randy would say. And she didn’t even sing a Diana Ross song. She sounds better than Diana Ross and sounded as good as Billie Holliday. Like Melinda, she doesn’t need the show anymore. The best, Jerry, the best!

Blake had to follow Lakisha and that definitely did not help him. He also changed the arrangement of the song he picked. I think the contestants need to focus more on singing well instead of proving they can screw up classic songs. I did like his arrangement better than his singing. I think the bigger stage and auditorium has shown that most of these singers do not have a big enough voice for this. Blake sounded weak, definitely not his best.

Man, this is getting long. Stephanie is next, she is just outside the top 2 or 3. She sounds exactly like Beyonce and she tends to scream, but compared to the guys, she WAS Beyonce. She can’t win, but should be top 5 or 6.

Chris Timberlake is back and he was not good at all. As I listened to this I thought it sounded like he was a little out of breath or was trying to force the song out instead of singing. He tried to put those ridiculously useless runs at the end of everything and I hope he goes tonight just for that. IT DOES NOT HURT TO JUST SING A SONG!!!. We don’t need you to “pretty up” a classic. We don’t need all these songs from the 60’s brought into the year 2000. There is a reason people still love songs like these. Although I had never heard the song Chris chose. He also looks like he is in extreme pain as he sings, wincing the night away.

Finally we have Jordin and she was good, not winning good, but third place good. I don’t think she made this a 3 horse race, but for someone this young she has plenty of time to be a star. She is top 3.

There is the long winded report. I must say that outside of Melinda and Lakisha, the whole show stunk, which I like. I have to wonder why these idiots didn’t choose more songs people have heard, but I guess they all want to be individuals and not be compared with the artist who originally did them. I have no idea who goes tonight, I hope Sanjaya and Haley stay another week; I know Lakisha and Melinda will. I might have to agree with my compadres at realitycheckpodcast.com. I think Stephanie may go tonight because she loses votes to Melinda and Lakisha. It really doesn’t matter though, they all suck.