American Idol: The SlipShod Seven

It’s Idol time and last night’s show had a country theme with the hot mama Martina McBride offering help to the contestants. Unfortunately, most are beyond any help. The recap is now. Hold on, it's a long one. That's what she said.

First up we have Phil the goblin singing Where the Blacktop Ends by Keith Urban. First, let me say that if you come from the land down under you can’t sing country music to me. I know Mr. Urban has a healthy addiction to several substances and that is a plus for a country singer, at least in my book, but he has to show me even more because he isn’t even from the country “country” music was born. Ok, on to the ghoulish Phil. Did you notice Martina’s look of horror as Phil finished his song in rehearsals? Otherwise I thought Phil sang really well. In fact, this was his best performance and my favorite of the night. Who knew that this was the kind of music Phil wanted to sing? He is now, for better or for worse, the “country” guy. Whether this keeps him around longer, I don’t think so.

Here comes Jordin singing A Broken Wing by Ms. McBride. It is your prototypical “just hold on, you can do it” type song and I thought Jordin did really well, but not her best. I love the steel guitar; you can’t beat a really good steel guitar. Jordin is powerful and should finish top 2 or 3. But, can she beat Sanjaya? Was it me or did she look like Tammy Wynette circa 1968 with that dress? And by the way, if you didn’t know, Seacrest is a pygmy.

Does Constantine Whatever His Name Is not have something better to do than just come down and hang out? No, he doesn’t.

Here is Sanjaya singing Let’s Give Them Something to Talk About. Is this really a country song? I am really starting to turn on this d-bag. His hair and the rag are just too much and he is the worst singer by far, to have ever made this show. He sings like he is just going through the motions and could care less about what he sounds like. He is beyond horrible. Sanjaya is confused to hear that he is crappy. Ordinarily I don’t mind it when Seacrest gets a little snippy at Simon, but the least he could do is pick an argument he could win. Does Seacrest actually think Sanjaya is good? Simon is an a-hole, but I don’t think he is saying Sanjaya sucks just because he may not like him. Where is Sanjaya’s sister? I didn’t get one glimpse of her and she’s all I got since Legs walked out. Man, I miss Legs.

LaKisha is next singing Jesus Take the Wheel by Carrie Underalls. She made Martina cry during her rehearsal and we found out the Martina was Jewish as she became “verklempt” as LaKisha sang. I thought LaKisha’s performance was alright, but this kind of style is not her and things did not go well. She was middle of the pack this week and that could be a chink in the armor that gets her bottom 3, so watch out. Did you see how pained Paula looked as she actually had to criticize someone? Paula is useless, even the contestants just kind of put up with her to get to Simon.

Chris Rascal Timberlake is next with Mayberry by Rascal Flatts. I don’t mean to get crazy here, but Martina said that she was afraid Chris wouldn’t be able to sing in the “country” style, but she thought after hearing him that it wouldn’t be a problem for him. Well, to be fair, Martina, country music today is not exactly country and western music. Country music today is pop music with a fiddle mixed in; see Shania Twain for the perfect example. When all you have to do to make a country song a pop song is to take away the fiddle and/or steel guitar then it is not a country song. I would bet that any pop singer today could switch over and sing country music these days. We don’t have any Waylons, Willies, Hank Jr.s, or Johnny Cashes on the radio. Sorry for the rant.

I hate Chris as you know from the podcast, maybe not as bad as I played it up on the podcast, but I do not think is “versatile” as Martina thinks, I think he is painful to watch, I think he does the same act every week, and he is only around because girls like to look at him. Granted he isn’t the worst there is, but he is the worst of the guy singers, and I am not counting Sanjaya as a guy or a singer. I thought he sounded flat throughout the song and Simon is right, he is nasally and I am not sure I like the nasal sound of singing that Chris apparently is shooting for. I also don’t think he needs to get into an argument with Simon at this point in the competition because he is already making the bottom 3 and doesn’t need to give people another reason to kick him off. I do however think what he said about the senseless tragedy in Va. was very thoughtful of him. I also thought Simon’s eye roll after Chris said that looked very bad, even though he probably didn’t mean to roll his eyes at the sentiment. I wonder if I was the only one who thought or saw that.

Here comes Melinda singing Trouble is a Woman and this almost sounds like a country song. It has a Charlie Daniels groove to it. Melinda may not be a “country” singer, but I thought she did really well and was the second best of the night. But then again, she is always good. Simon finally comes out and says what America has been thinking for the last two months, “Melinda stop the I can’t believe you think I am good” routine. It looks fake, which is a shame because she probably really is that type of person. But this is showbiz baby. As an aside, I thought she looked really good this week, but then again I am going through Legs withdrawals.

Blake is next singing When the Stars Go Blue and I have to say, I have never heard most of these songs and I know why. Blake is kind of like Chris in the way he comes out and does Blake every week. I think he is a better singer than Chris but I am not a fan of his tone. I thought he was good but probably only 3rd or 4th best tonight. He will be safe for now, but I can’t see him in the top 3 especially when he has to compete with LaKisha, Melinda, Jordin and Sanjaya.

I was glad that Simon said what he said about the Va. Tech tragedy, but I can’t help but think someone in production told him he looked like a heartless jackass when he rolled his eyes during Chris’ heartfelt thoughts about the shooting. But Simon was right, it has been a rough week for all of us.

Well, bottom three is easy for me. I think Chris, LaKisha and Sanjaya will be bottom 3 tonight. I believe that America thinks like me and is getting tired of Sanjaya’s act and will put a little bit of a scare into him tonight. If America is not like me then Phil will be here and he doesn’t deserve to be because he had at least a top two performance tonight and is a pretty good singer. I think, and hope, that Chris goes tonight, but it wouldn’t surprise me to see LaKisha get the boot as she had her first not great performance, which will open the door for Jordin to slip into the top 2. It should be interesting as we are now getting down to the people who are actually semi-talented.