American Idol: The Negligible Nine

It's time for the highlight of your week, American Idol. YAAAAYYYY! Or something like that. Last night's show was a Standards show which meant we had a good chance of hearing some good songs and Mr. Tony Bennett was on hand to help all the really great, great singers. I have to admit every time I saw and heard Tony on screen, I could not help being reminded of Alec Baldwin’s great impression of him on SNL. He’s a great, great guy.

We start off the night with Blake who is quickly becoming one of the more boring singers on the show. He sings Mack the Knife and he faux snaps as he comes on to the screen. He could have dressed up a little for this song. It is about a gangster not a hippie. At the end of the song did anyone else notice that Blake kind of broke into the stereotypical white folks dance that Carlton does on Fresh Prince? Maybe Blake is not as hip as some think. The performance was alright, but he can’t win. He sounds the same each week. I hate him.

Next we have Phil singing Night and Day and we also have our first sign that Tony is going senile because he calls Phil a really good singer. Phil? At least Phil dressed up a little, but didn’t the judges tell him to try and stay away from singing in a lower register? He sounded flat throughout the song and he needs a hat to help his freakishly weird looks. I thought this was horrible and Phil better hope that “focusing” on his wife will win him some votes.

Here comes Melinda and I think she actually looks very nice tonight and she is singing I’ve Got Rhythm. Tony says. “She’s a great, great lady.” And she is, as always. She could make a real good living singing songs like these, but can she sing songs an American Idol is “supposed” to sing? I am not sure, and for this reason and Jordin’s rise each week, I think Melinda may move down to number two, otherwise, she was great, best so far.

Now we have Chris Timberlake singing Don’t Get Around Much Anymore. It’s a wonder Justin Timberlake doesn’t sue this weasel for stealing his…well, everything. I assume JT is too busy macking on any number of Hollywood starlets to care. I hate Chris, can’t stand to look at him. He was alright in this performance, but impersonators belong in Vegas. Much like this whole season of American Idol, he is boring. Was that the bald dude from Miami Ink in his posse? This was probably his best, but he sucks so badly.

Now we have Jordin singing a song I have never heard and she is great. I think this was the best of the night. As Tony says, “She is a terrific, terrific lady.” She has a little more personality and a lot more youth than Melinda and that’s why I think Jordin could win this thing and at the least be in the final two. She has great big notes. That sounds dirty doesn’t it? I mean she sings that big note at the end wonderfully. Simon can officially no longer keep a straight face when Paula opens her pie hole.

Gina is here and I am not as worried about her this week as some are. I think she is more than a “trash queen” as Tony Kornheiser calls her. She sings Smile and I think she does a great job; unfortunately I may be the only one. She did have a bad ending but I think she is better than any of the guys. I am afraid Simon is right and because she followed Melinda and Jordin, she will be forgotten and bottom three-ed tonight.

Here comes Sanjaya singing Cheek to Cheek one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite movies, Top Hat starring Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. What does Tony think of Sanjaya? “He’s a terrific, terrific…er, thing?” On the Tony Kornheiser show someone described Sanjaya as having a certain “Je ne sais quoi.” I say it is more of a certain je ne sais crap. Sanjaya is dressed tonight as a Columbian drug lord. Sanjaya said he wanted to prove that he could sing. Well kid, you can’t get blood from a stone as the old saying goes, but he did seem better this week than in weeks past. Could it be that he is actually getting better? I didn’t say good, but better.

As I watched this performance I thought Sanjaya had the personality of a wet nap. The judges can’t say anything to this kid, this story gets bigger and bigger each week and because of this, I think he can win. It may destroy AI, but it would be interesting to find out. He still stinks, by the way.

The Transformers movie looks bada$$.

Here comes Legs(Haley) singing Ain’t Misbehavin’ and right off the bat she disregards Tony’s advice by saying she was saving her love “for you and you.” She wanted to slutten up the song a little bit because not misbehavin' and saving your love for one man is so 2006. What did Tony think about Legs? “She’s a leggy, leggy lady.” Right on! Was it Legs’ idea to arrange the song so it sounded like a stripper anthem? She was alright, she isn’t so bad, she is just behind three great female singers. She is not much worse than any of the guys. I would keep her over any of the guys at this stage just to see if she performs topless one night. You can kind of see that she doesn’t seem like she really wants to be there. She looks fed up. Maybe tonight’s her night.

Simon is right, green is a good color on her, another good color on her would be nude, another great color on her would be Piccu. Is it me or do her legs go all the way up? Sweet Fancy Moses!!!

Here comes Lakisha singing Stormy Weather and she isn’t f’ing around. The beginning is kind of shaky, but she really turns up the heat from the middle to the end. Although I wasn’t crazy about her adlibbed line at the end from the Bill Withers’ song Ain’t No Sunshine, but otherwise I thought this was third best tonight behind Jordin and Melinda. What more can you say? Tony? "She's a great, great lady."

Phew! How long is this? Well the bottom three according to me will be Phil, Gina, and Legs. I think Phil will finally go because he has been bottom three about a thousand times and that’s a shame because he is the best guy singer. Legs needs to go, but her very lickable, I mean, likable legs will keep her in it for another week. This in the grand scheme of things is not an overall bad thing.